How do married couples move on after one person makes a BIG MISTAKE!?!?! Married people ONLY Please.?

My Husband just told me that he cheated on me a few months ago. We have a 1 year old son. I dont know what to do because I always told myself I would never stand for that, but if I leave I feel like my life is over and that I have to restart my life. I dont want to leave, but I dont want to feel the betrayal without the reprocutions of making him feel bad. If I do stay, will I ever forgive him, will we ever be able to get past it?





PLEASE NO SMART ALLIC REMARKS FROM IDIOTS WHO HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO. Dont waste your time.How do married couples move on after one person makes a BIG MISTAKE!?!?! Married people ONLY Please.?
If you want to stay...stay because you love him and want to make your family work. Don't stay because you don't want to start over...I promise you will be sorry later. Get into counselling. I know that everyone says that but you will be hurt and angry and you will take it out on him...not that he doesnt deserve it but you will make things worse and not better...a counsellor can help you deal with your feelings and repair some of the damage.How do married couples move on after one person makes a BIG MISTAKE!?!?! Married people ONLY Please.?
I think its relevent that you have a young baby. Men like to be the centre of attention and your centre was the baby and rightly so. I would give it a chance. He obviously feels bad about it and you can make him feel worse, I suspect he wont do it again. Its easy for people to say ';leave him'; but its not their life only you know whether you can face life without him, I always say I would not stand for that but suspect I actually would.
I've been there and I know exactly what you're going through. You feel that if you stay with him, you're a weak person with no self-esteem. Otherwise, you'd leave him, right? Wrong!





You can stay with him and still have self-esteem because you're not allowing someone else to ruin your marriage. In the long run, though, the answer depends on why he cheated and if he truly learned a lesson from it. The fact that he confessed it shows he feels bad about it, and he wants to come clean. That had to be a hard thing for him to do.





I stayed with my husband and he cheated with his ex-wife. This is ONLY because I am positive it won't happen again. He chose me over her, and has nothing to do with her whatsoever any more. He did learn his lesson.





If your head and your heart are giving you two different answers, weigh all your options along with the advantages and disadvantages of both. Remember, whatever you decide will affect your life and that of your child. Personally, I hope he has learned his lesson and you can stay together as a family. I think you're a smart woman. You'll do the right thing.
If you stay with him, you will probably bring it up at every little disagreement.


He probably cheated because he wasn't prepared for your commitment to your child, which alienated him.


Do you take any responsibilty in this?
it is difficult but you have stated that you don't want to leave so you will need some guidence to help you overcome you hurt and you feelings of betrayal. it is very hard and most cannot do it but there are successes and you may be one of them.





when trust is broken it is very difficult to find it again. even if you do forgive it is impossible to forget and usually surfaces when other issues come up.





if you both commit to trying, you will need a good therapist to help you both understand why this happened and how best to deal with it. there are usually underlying reasons for infidelity. this is no excuse but it helps if you understand, if you can.





i know from personal experience how hard it is...we..didn't make it.





i know how this must haunt you every waking moment.





good luck dear
I'm in the same boat as you but the other way around. I'm still with my husband. I was afraid he would leave but he didn't. I don't know if he will ever get over it or forgive me. I don't blame him if he doesn't. We have a better relation then we ever had. At least he did tell you about the infidelity. Allot of men wouldn't. Just don't throw it up in his face. I hate it when my husband does that to me. Although I guess deserve it. So take it slow. If you love him enough stay with him. You may never get past it. Hopefully he just doesn't do it again.


Good Luck





Angelsouth
In time, your pain will begin to disappear, however, it will take a LONG time for you to be able to trust him again. Just because he made a mistake does not mean that your marriage is over. Everyone is human and we all makes mistakes, however, some are more hurtful than others.





There will be those that tell you to leave him, there will be others that tell you to forgive him and to stay. Honestly, I tell you to do what your heart and mind are telling you. If you love him, there is no point in allowing this one mistake to ruin your marriage, however, keep a close eye on him. At the same time, if you feel that this has caused your marriage to much damage to repair, then you have every right to leave.





Only you can know what is right for you, your situation, your family and YOUR marriage.





Many men and women have been down this road and successfully found light at the other end of the tunnel. I wish you the very best of luck sweetie!
Well, u sound just like my fiance..he says if something like that ever were to happen (if I did it to him, which I would not) he would divorce me with the quickness and he won't know if he would be able to forgive me. But this was what I told him, and it was by watching my parents, aunts and uncles, great-aunts and great-uncles in their marriages. U learn from the older ones, they give u wisdom. Of course we all know that marriage is hard work. It takes time, it takes patience, love and strength. Things like this happen. And today, people r so quick to get a divorce without even trying to solve the problem. We learn by the older ones, who have been married for 20, 30, 40 years. And they will tell u that it is hard work, and sometimes they were ready to leave. I thought my parents were ready to separate from each other, but their marriage was to strong. Your husband cheated on u, okay, that really is terrible. But being that this is so and that u have a son which makes the trial greater, it is up to u to decide whether u r strong enough to stay with him. Everyone makes mistakes, but if love is strong enough, u live. Of course, it may take a while to forgive him and it may take even a couple of years for him to start earning all of that trust back, but love and strength is the key. It's when people don't have love, strength, and patience is when the divorces happen. I learn this from watching the older ones. My uncle had a child buy another woman, but to this day, his wife is still with him, and happy. My aunt had 2 kids by another man, but to this day, her husband is still with him, and happy..well, happy now. It was no walk in the park when it came time to decide that. but love, patience, and strength was involved. And the most important ingrediance in a relationship: forgiveness. It's an unbeatable combination to anything! It may take a while, but if u have those four ingrediants, u will be fine. And remember, it's your decision whether u want to bake the ingrediants or not. Hope I helped.
I don't mean to sound harsh, but did you mean what you said when you took your vows? If so, then this is part of the ';for better or for worse';. I have a couple of friends who have had this same problem, and none of them resolved their issue without professional help. He damaged your trust, and getting that back will be your biggest obstacle. The fact that he told you should say something for him. Make sure he wants to move forward in your marriage so that you aren't waisting your time (and money), then find aproffessional to help you. Another harsh reality is that if you want this to work out, listen to why he did it. A very, very close friend was cheated on after the birst of her first son. I in no way condone what her husband did, but when Avery was 7 months old she was still refusing to have sex with her husband, because she was a Mommy now, and she was completely ignoring his needs.


I hope everything works out and hang in there.
Only you can chose to forgive him; though you will truly never ever forget. I know this personally, as I have been where you are today. You must get through the pain and the healing process before you can even think of getting past it all. And, your husband will absolutely need to be supportive; understand your emotions as they go from deep depression to love to depression again. He will need to talk with you when you need him to and, there will be times that you will 'just have to let him have it full force; letting the anger, hurt and pain out. I know you feel as if you can never ever get over this, but you can and you will. If this is truly a 'one time mistake' and he is showing you that he is doing all he can to earn your trust again, the two of you will be able to go forward and have a bright future. Mine happened over a year ago and I now trust him with my entire soul, again. I never thought that would happen, but his actions each day show me of his deep love, committment and great sorrow over his past infidelity. It hurts the person who cheated, also. They know they created the pain and the turmoil and there is nothing they can do to erase it. Turn toward each other; even through the pain of it all - be open and truthful about your feelings and your love will grow and be whole again. Good luck
I highly recommend marriage counceling. You have every right to be hurt, disappointed and just plain angry. You can't make him feel bad about it, it has to come from within. He has a big decision to make too, will he allow this to happen again? I'm sorry that you are faced with this and I hope the 2 of you can get past it, and most of all I hope he realizes what he has and that he has hurt you very badly.
I agree with other answers....If you still love him and think you can overcome this breach in trust, then go for it and try to go to therapy or church.





The truth is that only you will know what the best decision is....Some people can forgive and forget; and some just cannot. Everybody is different.





Sorry to hear this has happened to you....Good luck! TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF ! Your kid needs you...!
I am sorry for what happened. My suggestion is for you and your husband to see a marriage therapist. I am sure that if he told you about his affair then he atleast feels guilty. My feeling is that he told you because he wants to clear the slate so to speak and you owe it to yourself and to him to try and make this work. Divorce should only be considered as a last result. I think if you love him then you should try to make your relationship recover from this. So I would find a good marriage therapist and maybe even an individual therapist for you alone as well. It may take a long time to trust him again and to forgive him but if you love one another and work on this as a couple you can make it work. I know in my own situation though there was no cheating involved my wife and I went through a rough time and we went to therapy and worked it out. I have been married over 9 yrs and I could not be happier. Good Luck!
Okay, for one thing...he cheated and that's something that you're gonna have to forgive if you plan on staying with him. Call it off right now if you're not comfortable with that.


Second, look in to relationship counseling. Your counselor will approach all of the subjects that you don't know how to approach.


Third, if you decide to leave, you will be okay!! You have a wonderful child and things will be fine with him. You lived just fine before him and honestly, you (and your son) deserve someone who's gonna be faithful and love you as you are.
You are the only one who can make that decision. What is right for someone else might not be right for you or your marriage. My husband of 30 years cheated on me and I have not been able to get over the betrayal, we have been separated for over 2 years not divorced yet, but I don't see things ever working out. I hate to see any marriage go down, so I wish for your sake that you find out what is right for you. Good Luck!
The fact that he told you is a good indication that he is truely sorry. Everyone says what they would do but you never really know until it happens to you. You dont have to leave or start over what you need to do is work on a healthy happy marriage you can go to loveandrespect.com and buy the cd sets for Love and Respect and Cracking the Communication Code ( Emmerson Eggrich) or buy the books. There is a book that helps women deal with the brokenness adultry gives them I'm not 100% on the title it's something like (dealing with a broken heart-not sure) but I do know it's in the Everyman's collection so if you go to a book store and ask someone to show you the Everymans battl collection you should find it there (it will be somewhere in the christian section) A very good book for him to read is Everyman's battle there are parts in it for the wife to read that are very informative and helpful. If you make up your mind to Forgive him you can it might take a little while but if he is willing to work on the relationship you could very well find yourself in a happy healthy marriage. Remember months down the road during heated arguments (not related to this situation) don't EVER throw this in his face.
only u know how much u can handle, at least he told u and u didn't find out another way.


go to marriage counseling and hopefully it'll bring u 2 closer than ever.
The only way you'll ever get over this is if your husband is SO remorseful that he is willing to be totally transparent for the next 10 years (or however long it takes to earn back your trust). He has to be willing to tell you EVERYONE he meets, goes out with, talks to, etc. for quite sometime until you can trust him again. If he's not willing to do that, your marriage will not survive since marriages are built on good communication and TRUST. He blew the trust right out the door. Ask him to go to marriage counseling with you, and hope that he can earn your trust back.
You need to find forgiveness in your heart. I'm pretty sure you know it's not going to be easy. There is counseling that can help you with this huge issue. You also have to keep in mind that if he did it once, there a good possibility he'll do it again. Good Luck!
I think that totally has to be up to you, it is easy for me to say ';Do you love him, then okay stay with him'; It goes into will you ever be able to trust him again, I am sure you ask yourself that a hundred times a day. Everyone is different, what makes it worse is there is a little boy involved as well, please do not stay just because of him, I am sure he will be fine either way. I know a lot of people say get counseling, my sister and brother-in law are going through exactly what you are, it helps to talk about it and I mean couple and individual sesions. I hope you have someone you can talk to, I think you will always think about how he was unfaithful and never truly get over it, how could you? I don't think I could do it. I am married as well. God bless you, no one ever deserves this
There is a chance to get beyond it, but.... Does he want to? Is he honestly committed to the marriage? Was it a one time thing or was it a relationship?


Do you want to stay because of your son or because you still honestly love your husband? How was the relationship prior to the infidelity?


If this is something you BOTH want, then there is hope. It will take time. It will take tears and talking and arguments, but people can and do get beyond it.


You will only get past it if YOU decide you want to. Forgiving him is up to you, not him. And it can't be ';I'll forgive but not forget.'; That doesn't work. that is not true forgiveness.


I wish you luck. I have a feeling the two of you will make it through it this.
i dont know how long you've been married or what the specific circumstance is but i'm married and my hubby has cheated on me before too. it's hard to get past it but there are a few tricks to help you. first of all, don't yell at him or try to make him feel bad. try to find the possitive of his mistakes. for ex. he told you he cheated. you didn't have to find out from someone else. that means he is sorry and wants to fix this problem. start some marriage theorapy. my philosophy is, as long as my hubby is making an effort to make our marriage wonderful, i'm not going anywhere. talk to him and find out how he was feeling when he did this. try to be understanding and let him know that you're his wife and you're there to help him through whatever problem led him down this road. hope that helps good luck
To be honest...only you know if you can forgive your husband and get past the cheating. It will take a lot of work on both your parts. I have never been in a situation where someone cheated on me. I truly feel for you...because I would imagine that it would be extremely difficult to ever trust that person again.
My son mother cheated on me. We got back together for 18 months i could never trust or forget what she did to me.





Different Girl


Now my wife got hooker on drugs and i was told she cheated on me. Stole money from our savings. I throught her out because i cant forgive what her did.





Now she getting her life in order and wants to work things out but i know it will never be the same. We were together for 11 years.





I know i cant forget or forgive but it depends on the person that you are, if you can forgive him or not.





Hope all works out for you.
You said that your husband told you. I think that is important, he felt bad and wants to make things right. Read the book ';Not Just Friends'; by Shirley Glass. It will help you tremendously. Get a good marriage counselor, with help your marriage can be stronger than before.
This deals with your specific heartache and how women have pulled through it. I actually don't see any other way... what he has done to you is so wrong. BUT... if you want to work on it and get past this you have to put in a lot of work. My heart goes out to you. I encourage you to pray... a lot.





I usually don't recommend books because I hate it when people recommend them to me, but I honestly wish I could buy ';Love %26amp; Respect'; for every married (and engaged) person I know. So try and hear me out...





It states that a woman's driving need is to feel loved and when she feels loved she feels happy. A man's driving need is to feel respect and when he feels respected he is happy. When a woman feels unloved she acts out disrespectfully to her husband, and when a man feels disrespected he acts out unlovingly towards his wife and the crazy cycle begins.





If this is setting off any light bulbs for you read on...





';I wrote this book out of desperation that was turned into inspiration. As a pastor, I counseled married couples and could not solve their problems. The major problem I heard from wives was, ';He doesn't love me.'; Wives are made to love, want to love, and expect love. Many husbands fail to deliver. But as I kept studying Scripture and counseling couples, I finally saw the other half of the equation. Husbands weren't saying it much, but they were thinking, ';She doesn't respect me.'; Husbands are made to be respected, want respect, and expect respect. Many wives fail to deliver. The result is that five out of ten marriages land in divorce court (and that includes evangelical Christians).





As I wrestled with the problem, I finally saw a connection: without love from him, she reacts without respect; without respect from her, he reacts without love. Around and around it goes. I call it the Crazy Cycle - marital craziness that has thousands of couples in its grip.';





I am not even half-ways through the book and workbook, and while my husband is not studying the material with me it has already worked miracles in my no-longer-failing marriage.





If you do believe in God I highly recommend this biblically based book. It's not a ';religious freak'; book or anything but it's nice to know that it is based on things in the bible and not just some theory or pop psychology book, and it's been a #1 seller for over 2 years now... it's working for thousands of couples!
Well, we all make mistakes. No one is perfect. You have to learn to trust again. You should look into your relationship to see what it was that he was seeking. Most people leave home because they're lacking something. Just dig deep and find out what it is.
Marriage counceling, it helps. It gives you both a venue to sit down and talk with someone to mediate. And someone who can give you some strong advice to strengthen and renew your marriage.





My recomendation would be finding a Christian marriage counselor. There are some churches where pastors are also licenced councelors and do marriage counseling from a Biblical approach.





Hope that this helps.





Take care and God Bless