Does couples therapy work?

Recently broke off engagement with fiancee, she has drug problems..i have concrete evidence of that..i have communication problems..i'm not perfect either, seems like all we do is fight..getting engaged was the worst thing that ever happened to our relationship.





We cannot resolve anything ourselves, just turns into a shouting match..she is too stubborn to ever say she was wrong or i am sorry. I am willing to try to save our relationship by going to a therapist..anyone with any success going to see someone? maybe i watch too much Dr.Phil but it seems to me that most issues can be resolved if both sides are willing to work at it.


but i dont want to waste a bunch of money and time on something that is not going to yield any results. We have both said that we are willing to see a counselor but my fear is that if we are seeing people BEFORE marriage isnt that a bad sign?





Thanks-Does couples therapy work?
Counseling does 3 things:





[1] teaches you how to argue with more venom





[2] helps you learn new words you can put down your partner with





[3] makes the counselor richer





Drugs are way too big a problem. Don't get involved. Add to that you both are highly immature (evidenced by the shouting and unbending attitudes) - toxic mix right there, even without the drugs.





Yes you watch too much Dr. Phil - you know he's had a 2nd show for quite some time, on late at night, where the people punch each other and pull hair and throw stuff, like on Jerry Springer, right? He'll do anything for a buck. Couple of good ideas but like ';Dr.'; Laura, he is a hypocrite. They can't run their own lives - adultery, divorces, nude photos with lovers while married, bad relationships with parents, unruly kids, backstabbing their coworkers, treating staff like sh*t - but man they can tell you what to do with yours.





Try a self-help book and a weekend hotel room - just not with the drug addict. How many completely drug-free for the last 5 years drug addicts do you read about? Right. About 1 in 20 million. Same odds as willing the lottery. Have you cashed in that ticket yet?





Find someone without the addictive issues. This one won't ever shake it. Plus you'll have some time to mature yourself as you find and get to know someone else.Does couples therapy work?
Couples therapy only works if both partners want to make it work.
Yes it can work very well, BUT... you need to find a good therapist. You can of course negotiate a reasonable fee - if the therapist doesn't want to negotiate, he has too much business and won't care enough about yours. And yes, both have to be prepared to give it a real, honest effort. But, and this is important, nothing prevents even one partner from seeking therapy, and it could still be very effective. A therapist can help one partner adjust his/her relational behaviors in a way that will tend to invite relationship-building behavior from the partner - so it can work. Give it try, nothing to lose except a few bucks.
I'd suggest you attend a few al-anon meetings (they are free) to figure out what drew you into a relationship with someone who has a drug problem. Right now, you have found ';concrete evidence'; of drug use....which is really crazy behavior. I know, I was the one trying to fix, solve, change and otherwise prove that something was broke....I was also the one with eternal hope that it could be worked out. If one person is addicted, they are not well and their thinking is clouded by the substance and getting more of the substance...you take a distant 3rd. As for therapy, it can work, depending on whats broke and how much work you will both put into it. I would say a breather is in order....you just called off the engagement and you probably could both use a little recoup time. So why not try alanon or therapy just for you? What were you doing with your life before you felt this tremendous responsibility for hers? (Notice you are here looking for solutions and she is??? no where to be seen...thats a big part of the pattern.) I hope that it will work out for you. Don't make life altering changes....take it one little step at a time. Say a prayer. Take a breathe. You are an optimist and probably a little unrealistic....most th ings can be worked out...the question is why do you need to take on the impossible? What would your life look like if it was spent with someone who is thinking about you, as much as you are thinking about this woman?
Counseling does work provided both of you are willing to work on the relationship and you are both mature enough to accept responsibility for your problems. In fact, you should see a trained counselor since part of the problem is an addiction.





Seeing a counselor before getting married is not a bad sign, it's quite the opposite. The counseling process will help you to figure out whether your relationship can be saved and if the answer is no, you've just avoided an even greater heartache from divorce.
Try not to look at it that way, just means that you both care enough to do something about it. Alot of people have problems before marriage. I think its a good idea to seek counseling - it will work if both parties want it. I wish you the best of luck - things can work out, you have a healthy attitude to make it work.
Don't mean to sound harsh but..... Don't get married. I didn't have any success with a counselor
i guess it really depends how much you love each-other?and how hard your willing to work.my daughter did it with her boyfriend, because-they share a daughter, love each-other,and want to be a couple,but they went through church counseling,something like a adult retreat, there they learn whats important, and learn how to treat each-other according to god's word.it worked for them, I'm hoping for some wedding plans soon, hes a good guy,and if mother in-law on-his side,he's got it half licked,
No. If you love her, you will help her get through this. Go to an ALANON meeting and they will tell you how to get her a a 12 step program. I have seen that method work for couples. Counselors? No. They all want the parties to be selfish and split.
couple therapy works if both people do it willingly...but first I think your fiance should get rid of her drug problem