Can interracial, interfaith couples work?

What issues do they have to deal with, besides the obvious which face to bring up children in?Can interracial, interfaith couples work?
Absolutely. I am half of one; my boyfriend is Puerto Rican Catholic, and I am white Jewish. Granted, we haven't yet had to deal with children and raising them, but we're two years together and still strong. Race really won't play much of a part of your lives together; unless, of course, there are people in your immediate circle who reject interracial couples. If your family, friends, coworkers, or social circle isn't agreeable, you might struggle some with getting them to understand. But as they say, love is colorblind. In terms of faith, I think it will likely pose challenges in the future (as it will for my boyfriend and I); but it's nothing that you can't overcome if you love each other and are committed to working through the tough stuff. Sometimes, you have to just agree to disagree; and that's okay. Whatever happens, remember that ultimately, you are enriching your life (and future children's) by adding more perspectives... and that ain't bad, if you ask me. Best of luck.Can interracial, interfaith couples work?
Yup. I'm in one [an interracial interfaith relationship that is].


It's nothing as extreme as me being atheist and him being Christian, but we still have different opinions on spirituality.





More than anything, it depends on where you live. Some places are incredibly racist and with that comes a tendency to have one uniform faith [as in a town could be entirely one race and Protestant or something]. I don't see this as a huge deal in most cities, but there are some places in the Bible belt you may want to steer clear of, as well as more rural Southern U.S. areas. But I live in the south [New Orleans] and have not had a problem with anything yet.





Frankly, if you care about this person enough and you're interested enough in them, you'll have a hell of alot more to discuss than faith and you will be blind to their skin color.
I don't think so.
Yes, both can work. Both partners need to be sensitive to the specific needs of the other and be willing to compromise. However, seriously, all marriages need that anyway.





ME and my husband are an interfiath marriage. It specifically needs mutual respect, agreement to disagree, and non-attempts at conversion. We're at 2.5 years and no regrets yet.
Yes.





Couples can intertwine their beliefs in the family. I'd personally let my children decide which one they wanted to follow.





Other issues they have to deal with might be...what religion to baptise in, marry in, funerals, holidays, etc.
Any thing can work if both are willing,to agree to disagree,on interfaith.Interracial is only an issue for those outsiders that have an issue with us.Its really very sad as why would you even think its an issue.People are the issue that have a notion that it is not proper,have we not made any progress or do you still consider a child malado.Its just sickening to me,we are all just the human race,ONE RACE,just different amounts of melanin in skin.
Interracial... yes. Move to California if other folks have issues with it and it proves to be problematic.





Interfaith... ugh. It is what it is.
Interracial, sure. interfaith is often difficult.





(btw, I'm half of an interracial interfaith couple, and the race part is never an issue)
My husband and I are the same race, but are of different faiths. He is a non-practicing Christian and I am a traditional witch. He understands that I have my own beliefs and he is ok with that. He also doesn't have a problem with me teaching our kids about my faith. We agreed that they will be given a choice, something I did not have as a child.
for some it does..i know one cpl did it till she died...20 yrs
well, for me as a woman and a Christian, I would have a problem with the head of my household not being a Christian. He is supposed to be the spiritual leader. That would cause huuuuge problems for me
It all depends on the people, and interracial/interfaith has worked for my sister.





My brother-in-law is a Mexican Catholic, and my sister is a white Mormon...





...They've been married for going on 18 years.





Like I said, it all depends on the people.





***By the way, I forgot to mention that I'm a white guy, married to a Native American woman...and we're at 17.5 years and going strong. (We are of the same faith.)
I'm a Caucasion and I date Asians almost exclusively, not just for the physical attraction, I tend to like the more laid back/less superficial nature of girls raised in Asian families. I'm a Buddhist, which many of the girls I have dated are as well, that's not been much of a problem, but I could see how that could become more of a problem than interracial dating the partners feel strongly about their religious practices.
NO! NO! NO!


DO THE RIGHT THING!
interracial...yes





interfaith...good luck...
As a member of an interracial couple, that part is easy. If you are from the same culture, race is really irrelevent.





If you are from a different culture, as I and my spouse are, then you have to be careful not to take anything for granted, and to talk about EVERYTHING. Nonverbal communication does not always translate well across cultures. You may think your actions are very plain, and yet your partner completely misses it. I think it loses a bit in intimacy, because what is comfortable for one may not be comfortable for the other.





As far as interfaith, my Catholic mother was married to an atheist. They made it work, mainly because he was ambivalent. For two people of different faiths -- I wouldn't touch it with a 10-foot pole.
If they want to pay their bills, they had better work...
I am white and married to a lovely Chinese woman...When I go to China no problem...here in the states I sometimes get funny looks from others. Seems to me that our ';free'; country has many, many underlying issues yet to be resolved when it comes to race relations. PEACE!
Whell my mom was Catholic and my dad was Lutheran It did last for a fiew years
Caucasian Wiccan married to an Asian Buddhist. Its worked for 10 years and counting.
Interracial..yes, although I don't have personal experience to speak from, I know it can work as evidenced by the millions of interracial couples all over the world. Every couple faces obstacles in a relationship. Interracial couples only face greater obstacles because of the ignorance and bigotry of others..the differences of their ';race'; are not really significant. Differences of culture and upbringing can bring more difficulty.





Interfaith...well..that can be much more problematic because it speaks to how compatible a couple is in how they think, live and believe..their shared values, ethics or goals. It CAN work..or it can be troublesome for their life or lead to break up.





Here now are excerpts from an even longer essay I wrote and have had on my blog for almost a year. It is on the topic of intermarriage and child rearing based on questions asked of me personally long before I discovered Yahoo Answers.











Over the past 9 years, some of the most frequent questions that are posed to me about Jewish issues are about interfaith marriage. I gave them my own original ideas on their query and advised them to speak to their own clergy. Intermarriage is a very common issue in Jewish life in the United States. Since non-Jews in this nation surround Jews (we comprise about 2 percent of the populace declaring any religious affiliation), many of us fall in love and marry non-Jewish spouses. I am married to a non-Jew. I think the reason why I am asked this question so much is for that very reason.





Intermarriage can and often does “lose” Jews. It is frowned upon for many reasons. I am not going to write here to debate that issue at all. I am writing about decisions that are necessary to be made once a Jew and non-Jew have fallen in love and are considering marriage or who have already married without making crucial decisions beforehand.





The two questions I am most commonly asked are variations of these two: Do you think it is a good idea to raise the children of an interfaith marriage in both religions (and just let the child decide later what to be)? And/or, Can a child have a bris and a christening?





My answer is that I do not believe that a child should be raised in two conflicting belief systems. You do no service to either religion to try to make a blending of them where there is incompatibility of belief. Moreover, no rabbi I know of would perform a bris ceremony on a child who has been or will be christened. The bris is a dedication of that child to the covenant of Israel and you cannot be dedicated to two DIFFERENT covenants simultaneously. That was the short, blunt answer…sometimes seen as exclusionary or harsh at face value. I try to explain that a child needs a sense of identity and that if you do not give that child a clear identity they can later on become easy prey for ANY cult as a young teen or adult when they are searching for their own identity. The strongest lure of the cult is a strong sense of identity.





Now this is where I often surprise some of my readers who see me as very strongly Jewish (and I am). I tell them with all sincerity, I would rather see a child raised Christian than raised in a dishonest and unintelligible mish mash that dishonors both traditions. I would also rather see them raised without any religion than the kind of confusion where a child thinks they can belong to two at the same time. Before I begin trying to explain in detail why I strongly believe that one should choose one or the other rather than try to make the children belong to two religions simultaneously I will let you know about my own family.





In case you are not aware of my own family dynamic, I will explain. My husband and I decided before we married that any child we had would be raised Jewish. He was raised Southern Baptist, but not in a particularly observant home. His grandmother gave him much of his spiritual ethics and teaching and as he grew older he became an agnostic. He does not care to affiliate with any organized religion. I respect his decision. My husband is the most honest man I have known outside of my father. They also became best friends and grew to love each other. How much more blessed could I be?





This does not mean that we ignore or disrespect the religion of many family members on my husband’s side. He has family that is active in the church, singing in choir, etc. We go to celebrate family gatherings with them on Easter and Christmas Eve. They are not religiously significant for us, but are significant times to connect to family and to help teach our son about this portion of his heritage. This is also important for him in developing a sense of self in relation to the world around him. My husband participated in the bris of our son and he participates with us in Jewish family life, in daily prayers and in celebrations of holiday events. He does not wish to convert to become Jewish and I am not going to try to convert him. He knows and respects that my Jewish faith is important to me and he understands that the ethics of Judaism is good for helping to build strong family values of our own. This works for us just fine. Our son is now studying to prepare for his Bar Mitzvah in a year and a half. Our son has a solid identity as a Jewish person in a Jewish home.





I have been asked the above questions many times. In fact, I once discovered a wonderful web page that had answers that coincided with my own in greater detail. I was going to simply post that link but the page is now gone. I know there must be others; however, I do recall many things from what that particular rabbi said and I will combine that with my own thinking on this. I cannot even recall his name to give him credit for some of the ideas that I will try to paraphrase.





He explained the reasons Reform Rabbis (he was Reform) will not participate in a bris if the child has been or will be christened. While I don’t recall all in detail I remember his agreement belief that it was in the best interest of the child to help give the child a clear message of identity. You cannot honestly dedicate the child to the body of the Church in Jesus and also make the child a part of the Covenant Community of Israel. The very name of the ceremony means covenant. Brit/bris = covenant.





He said when it comes to religion; one is better than none, and none is better than two. A solid and unambiguous faith identity giving them a feeling of “home” in the world when it comes to spiritual awareness is important.








This can be a very tough decision when parents have strong feelings of connection to their own faiths or faith communities. Even if the parent does not have a strong sense of faith, grandparents often voice their own hopes. Sometimes the pressure they exert on the couple can be stressful. The sense of family connection and continuity through faith identity can be strong. Both sides do not want to ask too much sacrifice from the other. Each parent usually has a sense of what he or she can and cannot tolerate of his or her own belief.





If the decision as to what your children will be raised waits until you decide to have a child or until after your child is born, this can create a volatile situation within the marriage and extended family.





Many parents who have put off the decision at this point think they can just “cover both bases” and appease both sets of families. They think, we are being tolerant and will please both families we will expose them to both religions in our family life and then let them choose which one they want to be when they are older.





I have personally known people raised this way, met and discussed with others online and I have read studies about this issue. Overall this knowledge reveals that it is almost always a bad decision. Most of them speak of never feeling completely accepted by either religious community, going through worse self identity crises in adolescence than their peers, Many became resentful to both parents in attempts to not hurt the feelings of either of them. A few of them have become the most rabidly anti-religion people I have ever met. In other instances, individuals thus raised will flit from one religion to another in deep religiosity never able to stay with one for long. More often, once grown, they feel anger at their parents not having made the decision and putting them in the middle of an issue their parents could not resolve.





However evenhandedly “both” religions are presented, there is the unconscious or conscious sense that the child is choosing one parent over the other. One child I read about said, “When I do the Jewish stuff, my Dad gets upset and when I do the Christian stuff, Mom gets angry”. The “anger” may not be apparent to the other parent, but the child senses the unspoken and unresolved resentment.





If one parent feels stronger about their religion than the other then that is the religion that should be chosen, no matter which religion it is. I am not going to tell you, even as a Jewish mother with a strong sense of Jewish identity that you as a Jewish woman are a bad person if you choose to raise the child of your Christian husband as a Christian. It is better for your child to have an unambiguous identity than to be given a confused sense of self. Your child deserves better than that and I know that deep down you know that, too.





Whichever religion you choose, this does not mean that you cut your child off from the religion of the “other”. You can celebrate holidays with your extended family and teach them about the “other” faith with as much respect and dignity as you would want for your own faith. It may not be “our” holiday, but we are celebrating “their” holiday with them as they celebrate our holidays with us. There is a difference, and even a young child can readily distinguish it, between trying to be both rather than being one and learning about the other. Your child needs a sense of who they are. They need to feel at home in a “home” religion. When they are grown, then they decide as do all others which way they go “from home”.





Shalom





Copyright © 2007 mama_pajama_1
Interracial, yes...





Interfaith... in my opinion no. This does depend on how dedicated to your faith you are. If you live it 24/7, it is important to be with someone who is the same . There are too many areas for arguments and gaps if you do not share the same faith.





For example, I could not date someone for very long who was not a committed Christian ( I do not mean fanatical, ok?) because he just wouldn't ';get'; me. My boyfriend is Catholic and I am just Christian, but as our relationship has gotten more serious and will likely move into marriage, we have begun attending a new church together and are committed to sharing the same faith. He understands that that is important and in our case, it is just a different way to worship.





If he was a die-hard staunch Catholic and refusing to compromise... it would not be fair to either of us to stay in the relationship because I want my kids to have a relationship with Christ, not be all hemmed up in rules and rituals. He could likewise say the same about me, perhaps he would not want his kids raised in a nondenominational church. But we had decided what is best for both of us is a new church entirely- nondenominational, but not my home church.